ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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