I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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