the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
