Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
