I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
