I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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