i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
