I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize