It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
