WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize