Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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