SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I AM VODKA MAN
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
