I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
