Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
