Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
