you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
