No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
