Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
