u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
