he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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