hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
