needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He better not be in your backpack
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
and you fell through a lawn chair
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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