I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
