He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
