and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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