is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You smell like stripper and shame
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
