Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
