you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
