Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
