The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
