I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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