So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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