She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
