My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
they need to just BURY HIM!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize