You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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