I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
