Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
