The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
