She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize