idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
