Having a random hookup so left but love u
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
