im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
