Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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