btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
