You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize