my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
