I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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