vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
