dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
