At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I just sharted jello shots
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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