Where is the hickey?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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