so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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