hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I didn't notice because vodka
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
