His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
