Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have aggressive nipples.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
