My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
