It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
