I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
