apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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