Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
