saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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