When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
