I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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