dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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