Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
