If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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