Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
