Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
