The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
