I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
