I CAN MOONWALK!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
