found the other keg... it's in the tree
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
