I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
