HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
