Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just blew my weed a kiss
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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