I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just google imaged poop.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
