Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
