I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize