My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
