i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
