did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
