im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
