There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
