I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
