Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
