Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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