Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
