I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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