ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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