the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
